Gettysburg, PA, January 13, 2017. A closeout sale at a local tourist attraction went awry today when a visiting President Obama was inadvertently sold as part of a presidential three-pack that included a wax rendition of Ronald Reagan and Abraham Lincoln. “He was just standing there, who knew?” said the jubilant buyer, “The wife wanted Taft, but he didn’t fit in the SUV.”
The sale at Gettysburg was the final straw in the unraveling of the Obama legacy. “We didn’t think that slavery was going to be restored in our first year, but we’ll take it,” said incoming Attorney General Jeff Sessions, “A contract is a contract.”
This sale came on a day of setbacks for black Americans. News broke that a white actor, Joseph Fiennes, had been cast to play Michael Jackson in a British television show. Black actors have already been protesting the lack of roles for blacks as criminals on television. “Watch any crime show, Law and Order, CSI, whatever, did you ever notice that all the criminal are white?” said an an aggrieved actor, “What next!”
The White House made a formal request for the return of the president, offering to swap a Jimmy Carter hand-puppet and Joe Biden in exchange, but the buyer explained that he had already put Obama up for sale on eBay and was concerned over how removing him would affect his rating. Negotiations remain ongoing.