Silicon Valley, CA. January 12, 2017. A new app is taking KellyAnne Conway’s suggestion to ignore Trump’s words, but to look into his heart one better. TrumpRising will not only translate and publish Donald Trump’s comments directly through his heart and onto Twitter, but will monitor the incoming president’s level of passion and interest as well.
“Take a look at his trousers, you’ll see where he stands,” said Conway, quoting a lyric from the aptly named musical, Les Miserable, “Smart. I’ve been worried about getting caught sneaking a glimpse.”
Concerns arose immediately about conflict of interest. “We would expect Mr.Trump to immediately divest himself of his heart,” intoned the House Ethics Panel. Trump has come under fire recently for his plan to avoid conflict of interest by using earplugs, and his claim that his kids — who will be running his empire — don’t listen to him anyway.
“No need to divest his heart,” said that app maker, “we’ve retained Mike Pence to provide translations. Pence recently was given access to the passwords of all U.S. citizens to stamp out autocorrect, a national scourge.
“Well we know one thing that won’t get a rise out of him,” quipped Conway, alluding to a salacious report alleging Russia’s attempt to blackmail Trump.