Washington DC, January 11, 2017. Details are emerging about a Russian plan to blackmail Donald Trump, exposing him as a deep-thinking, sensitive intellectual. “Lies, lies lies,” crowed spokesperson KellyAnne Conway, “Show me any evidence that Donald Trump thinks about anything.”
The Trump organization was caught flat-footed by the contents of the document leaked to Buzzfeed. “We were expecting the thing about the midget and the penguin to come out. The midget wasn’t even alive!” said a highly placed source.
“Once again, the height-challenged are dragged through the mud,” tweeted Democratic presidential front-runner, Mr. Ed,TV Star and fictional talking horse, “But they always ride me to the finish.” Autocorrect was blamed as Mike Pence quietly edited the tweet to say, “But they rise like the Finnish.” a misstatement that would sink a lesser campaign. “Flies off my back,” trumped Mr. Ed.
Meanwhile, a planned protest march by women at Trump’s inaugural was thrown into disarray as a rouge, gender-neutral group of unicorn-loving children balked at being mean to their unicorn loving president. Parents, torn between validating their children’s feelings and strengthening their moral backbones, quickly discovered that dismissing unicorns as fictional also backfired. “Mr. Ed is running for president,” sniffed a ten-year old, “Just sayin’.”
PHOTO: Rebecca Murphey