New York, NY. January 6, 2017. Donald Trump announced that construction has started on a 2,000 mile mall along the Mexican border. Trump blamed autocorrect on the misunderstanding that he was going to build a wall, not a mall. Trump has been plagued by autocorrect, and has demanded action from Silicon Valley to eradicate the nuisance.
Keeping his promise that Mexicans pay for the mall, Trump will charge a Mexicans a toll to enter. Critics scoffed that Mexicans will simply pay the toll, walk through the mall, browse, maybe buy a shirt, and then enter the U.S. through the other door.
Trump silenced critics by asking NJ Governor Chris Christie to manage all tolls and access roads on the Mexican side. Christie gained national attention last summer for his handling of access roads to the George Washington Bridge. “With Christie, we’ll collect the toll, but they’ll never actually get to the mall,” crowed Trump.
Trump also insists that Democrats will never control the mall’s food court, the world’s longest. Democrats, trying to score points among the white working class, promise a food court with, “none of that crappy artisan food, in particular, beet salads.” Democrats lost ground in the battle for the nation’s stomach when Trump saved the Chinese restaurant industry by moving the start of Hanukah, which coincided with Christmas in 2016.