Photo: Nick Divers

New York, NY.  January 5, 2017.  A group comedians — many of Donald Trump’s biggest antagonists — were killed today in a battle to claim jokes about a Trump tweet saying that he is “a big fan of intelligence”.  “They took the bait,” mourned a prominent producer, “It was a bloodbath.”  Many believe Trump intentionally set a trap with a tweet designed for ridicule. “To set such a low bar, criminal,” decried Senate funnyman John McCain, now presiding over accusations that Russia hacked U.S. elections.

The fighting broke out near Rockefeller Center, NBC headquarters.  “I heard someone yell that another comic had stolen his line, something like, ‘KellyAnne Conway, responding to criticism from Trump’s base, stated that Trump has no intelligence, considers intelligence dangerous, and swears to never use any,'” but I can’t really be sure.

“Something was in the air,” commented an insider at NBC.  “Things were tense. Skirmishes broke out over jokes about Ivanka when Macys announced the closing of 68 stores. The stage was set.”

“This is comedy’s darkest day,” intoned McCain, “since the death of Mort Sahl.”