Washington D.C. January 2, 2017. President Obama signed an executive order returning the Louisiana Purchase to France, tipping the 2016 presidency back to Hillary Clinton. “We dug up the receipt,” said a White House spokesperson, “the 1803 Purchase came with a 200 year return policy but we bought the 15 year extended warranty.”
“This looks valid,” agreed congressional lawyers, “though we’re hoping France will let us keep the Rocky Mountains and some parts of New Orleans.” Sources confirmed that Obama had considered surrendering to the Confederacy as another option, allowing the south to form its own country. “Trump promised to let Israel winter in Florida, and we didn’t want to complicate things,” said the spokesperson. Trump recently gave Israel the state of Nevada as a solution to the Israeli-Palestinian conflict.
Former president-elect Trump declared this as another example of Obama overreach, and said that he had decided to return New England to England, tipping the balance back to him. Further, Trump added that he planned to invade England and retake the territory, so people should wait on exchanging their currency.