Washington DC, December 2016. Donald Trump today gifted Nevada to the state of Israel, solving the Israeli-Palestinian crisis with his own two-state solution and providing a source for quality bagels for the western U.S. “We’re not using much of Nevada anyway,” said Trump, “and the bagels out west suck.”
In an unrelated though suspiciously timed move, Israel gifted Las Vegas to Ivanka Trump. Ivanka was unavailable for comment as she is grounded and without cell phone privileges for a week.
An elated Bibi Netenyahu congratulated Donald Trump on this diplomatic masterstroke. “World peace, and we save on new flags since Nevada is a blue state,” said Netenyahu. Israel plans to relocate to Nevada for most of the year, but will winter in the Mideast. An unnamed source said that negotiations for lending Florida to Israel during the winter are underway.
The Obama administration is said to be researching whether the gift of Las Vegas to Ivanka has any connection to the deal, as is the FBI. “We know the smoking gun is out there,” said an FBI spokesperson, “We’re looking closely at the Clintons.”
The Clinton campaign blames their 2016 loss on FBI meddling, Russian hackers, and most recently, on a doping scheme that thickened Mike Pence’s hair. The Russian hacking claim was dispelled when it was discovered that Vladamir Putin is on Santa’s “nice” list. The other claims are still unproved.