Trump Moves Start of Hanukah, Saves Chinese Restaurant Industry


Photo: Tablet Magazine

New York, NY. December 23, 2016. Donald Trump moved the start of Hanukah, the Jewish winter celebration, to December 26 today. Hanukah had been scheduled for December 25th, coinciding with Christmas for the first time in 879 years, threatening the survival of Chinese restaurants in the U.S.

“Trump headed off a catastrophe,” said the head of a Chinese restaurant association. “First, taking on autocorrect, now this. What a guy.” The ripple effect extends beyond Chinese restaurants. “Apparently it’s also the one day a year Jews eat pork,” said Phil Hawthorne, a prominent pork farmer, “We see a sales spike every Christmas.  We’re trying to crack the Muslim market with a similar strategy.”

News of Trump’s decision impacted international relations. The People’s Larynx – an official mouthpiece of the Chinese government, said “Trump is a pimply-faced crybaby”, signaling the approval of Chinese leadership by dropping “stinky-poop” from their signature insult.

One thought on “Trump Moves Start of Hanukah, Saves Chinese Restaurant Industry

  1. Pingback: Trump Names Santa, General Tso to Cabinet Positions | TittleTattle365

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