ISIS LEGALIZES SELF-DRIVING TRUCKS IN SAN FRANCISCO, OPENS CASINO

San Francisco, CA.December 22, 2016.  Claiming to be Native Americans, ISIS today executed a bold power play, overruling a decision by San Francisco and allowing self-driving trucks in the city by the bay.  ISIS prevailed where Uber couldn’t: Uber’s recent attempt to introduce driverless transport in San Francisco ran afoul of the city’s left-wing government.

While acknowledging concerns given the use of trucks by ISIS to murder innocent civilians, San Francisco Mayor Ed Lee said that this is a state and federal issue that will take a few years to untangle.  “It’s a rights thing. Our hands are tied.  Whatchagonnado?” said Lee.  Donald Trump blasted the decision, tweeting, “Rights are so 2015!”

ISIS’s claim to Native American rights is based on evidence that an ancestor of the group’s founder walked across the arctic land bridge and down to an area just north of today’s San Francisco, where he lived for a few weeks before returning home to fetch his rain gear, never to return.  “Who knew?” he is quoted as saying.

In a related story, ISIS refused to confirm rumors that the group will use their Native American status to open a casino, but city officials confirm that permits have been filed.

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