Photo: NY TIMES

New York, December 17, 2016.  Donald Trump gathered the heads of leading Internet companies at Trump Tower today and ordered them to get rid of autocorrect.  Autocorrect is blamed for the deaths of millions of Mexicans three days ago.  Autocorrect changed a Trump tweet, leading to a small Russian nuclear attack.

“Everybody hates autocorrect,” said Trump, adding that Russia wasted a perfectly good nuclear missile as a result of Friday’s miscue.  From his bunker in decimated Mexico City, Mexico’s president said, “Mistakes happen, but we would appreciate not being vaporized again for at another year or two.”

When Facebook’s Cheryl Sandberg pointed out that autocorrect isn’t a feature that tech companies control, asserting that  no one really knows where it came from, Trump replied,  “Lean into this!”, grabbing his crotch, to snickers from the other attendees.